Tony Markey
Connect with me on LinkedIn:
  • Home

6 Reasons Football(WE CALL IT SOCCER!)Will Never Catch on in the USA

8/17/2014

 
If Soccer is such a "world sport," then why are American Soccer fans watching American Football? Basketball? We consider Baseball to be a national pastime; that's the one where the guys take turns hitting a ball and run around the bases, with the gloves and the bats and the sunflower seeds. It's very unlike your what-do-you-call-it Football. Why don't we love soccer more?
It boils down to six reasons, the reasons that soccer will never catch on in the USA:

1) Low scores. 1-0 is a respectable score in soccer. Really? In Basketball, a 100-98 score is a good game. A 1-0 baseball game is boring. In American football, each touchdown is worth SIX points. SIX! A herculean performance by a pitcher for 0 points in baseball is akin to having a goalie with upwards of 50 saves, but that is an individual performance, and the pitcher's team, of course, can score as much as they want. Maybe as Americans we like individual sports stars that make lots of plays. Wilt Chamberlain. Michael Jordan, Jerry Rice, Tiger Woods. Quantity, WITH quality. But mostly quantity. American Sports are like fast food. Quick. Easy. And yes, we have a problem with portion size.

2) Football has already been taken. No copying of names.
We are exceptional, and taking the name for our sport is no bueno. Sure, maybe you named it football first, but that's not the point. You hear that South "America"?

3) Whiny babies get paid. Big time. This might be the exception to the American Fast Food Sports rule above. We allow a Peyton Manning to be a big whiny baby, but he's a Quarterback, and he's surrounded by giants that will protect him. No one will argue that Ronaldo is an incredible athlete.

4) No instant replay, no control of refs. Boys like rules. and the more rules, the better. In fact, once you have established those rules, you have to refine those rules and come up with a complicated set of enforcement techniques to make everyone adhere to the rules.


5) No biting. Seriously. Biting?
This rule was initially not a part of this list. But suddenly we have to include it. I can tell you that if Kobe Bryant bit another forward every other game, the benches would clear and he would end up with no teeth. There is no question that he would be booed out of every stadium he played in - including his home team. Biting? I am left with the opinion that biting in sports must be a soccer thing.

6) You can't be fat and do this well. This is very-un-American. Maybe anti-american, in fact. From Football to Baseball to yes, even Bowling, we have heroes with heft. And if success can't come through being overweight in that sport, well that's just not attainable for most of us - hence, un-American.

For these six reasons, the sport they call football but we call soccer will never really "make it" in the USA. That is, unless they change the name, the format, forand allow you to score in some way just by kicking the ball without all that tiring running around.

    Tweets by @tonymarkeymba

    Categories

    All
    Business
    Dumberica
    Entertainment
    God Blessed America
    Personal
    Random Ha Ha
    Tinfoil Sock Collection

    Tony Markey?

    I am a bourgeois spiritualist.
    A banjoist,
    Social entrepreneur,
    quadricycle pilot,
    harlequin, and
    purveyor of all things passe. 
    At least I was that yesterday.

    I am an elbow model.
    a Wii sportsman, 
    a seven sigma diamond belt,
    Rainmaker,
    bon vivant du monde,
    uniquely de rigeur.

    I am a creative genius - 
    as long as by 'creative' you mean 'things that make you go 'huh', and by genius you mean 'well, that seems smart on the surface'.
    Just don't think too much about it.

    I am all that you desire - 
    unless you have really weird desires.
    I am humble, more than anyone else in the world.

    An artisan of manufacturing processes, and a craftsman of fine art.
    A post-modern neo-renaissance man.

    I have a heart of gold, a tongue in my cheek, an athlete's foot and a hitch in my git along.

    A hater of hate and a lover of love,
    A grand master of 5 martial arts - none of which I have studied.

    I am a dreamer of dreams --
    some of which have been a little erotic, actually. But nevermind that. Unless you're into that?

    I am a man of amazing vision, but worsening eyesight.

    I am 1/2 vagabond,
    1/2 the son and heir (of nothing in particular), and
    1/2 fruit salad. Yummy yummy. 

    I am a nomad, grifter, drifter,
    perpetrator of ponzi love schemes
    Some people call me a space cowboy...

    That's just a little bit about me. 

    Buy me pretty shoes

    Archives

    January 2016
    March 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    February 2014
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    May 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012

    RSS Feed

    BLARGH!
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.