Tony Markey
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I am a SERIOUS man with SERIOUS THINGS to say.

8/22/2012

 
If you don't believe me, you are not listening correctly. 

Some people are decidedly unserious, but that is not the case with me, I assure you. I am intense, stare you down, give-no-quarter serious about what I am saying. Don't even screw with me on this.

Too many people in America today are flip, saying things without really paying attention to the words that come out of their mouth. It is anathema to me that the largest part of our society spends its time with nonsensical texts, banal conversations about "the weather" or matters of little international importance. 

In 20 years we will all be laughing at this. Laughing at how unserious we were when we were young.

Join me now in a moment of gravity. We live admidst turmoil, war, economic disaster, and impending doom. There has never been a more serious time in our history.
Picture
The author in a serious moment.
I should not be ignored when I make these points:

Vienna sausages are neither a) from Vienna or b) qualified to represent sausages. They are nasty and consumption of them should be terminated immediately. Only a mirthful fool would question this.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer is perhaps the finest series ever created for television. This is an irrefutable fact that brooks no argument.

Kim Kardashian is a ho-bag. Still, she is hot. You are not being honest with the people of the world if you disagree with me on this.

Justin Timberlake is the most talented man in entertainment. The ability to dance, sing, and act exceptionally well makes him more than a triple threat. His abs make him a quadruple threat. Even Usain Bolt falls short of the talent level of this man. I adore him, and you should too if you have any sense of commitment to your life and the people you love.

These are all important facts, prima facie, and I am completely serious about them.

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    Tony Markey?

    I am a bourgeois spiritualist.
    A banjoist,
    Social entrepreneur,
    quadricycle pilot,
    harlequin, and
    purveyor of all things passe. 
    At least I was that yesterday.

    I am an elbow model.
    a Wii sportsman, 
    a seven sigma diamond belt,
    Rainmaker,
    bon vivant du monde,
    uniquely de rigeur.

    I am a creative genius - 
    as long as by 'creative' you mean 'things that make you go 'huh', and by genius you mean 'well, that seems smart on the surface'.
    Just don't think too much about it.

    I am all that you desire - 
    unless you have really weird desires.
    I am humble, more than anyone else in the world.

    An artisan of manufacturing processes, and a craftsman of fine art.
    A post-modern neo-renaissance man.

    I have a heart of gold, a tongue in my cheek, an athlete's foot and a hitch in my git along.

    A hater of hate and a lover of love,
    A grand master of 5 martial arts - none of which I have studied.

    I am a dreamer of dreams --
    some of which have been a little erotic, actually. But nevermind that. Unless you're into that?

    I am a man of amazing vision, but worsening eyesight.

    I am 1/2 vagabond,
    1/2 the son and heir (of nothing in particular), and
    1/2 fruit salad. Yummy yummy. 

    I am a nomad, grifter, drifter,
    perpetrator of ponzi love schemes
    Some people call me a space cowboy...

    That's just a little bit about me. 

    Buy me pretty shoes

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