The USADA has banned Lance Armstrong from competitive cycling for LIFE. To many, this may seem like one more athlete caught cheating and disgraced forever. To the media, this is just another story of one man's fall from the heights of accomplishment to embarrassment and defeat. Today the USADA released more information on the case, saying that Armstrong was at the center of the most sophisticated and professional doping program in recent sports history.
But make no mistake. This is not just one man's battle. In sanctioning Lance Armstrong, in striking his successes from the records of cycling, the USADA is conducting an attack on American values and insulting a sport filled with athletes who are, frankly, too good be just "runners," more fit than Usain Bolt, and more powerful than professional Football players.
But make no mistake. This is not just one man's battle. In sanctioning Lance Armstrong, in striking his successes from the records of cycling, the USADA is conducting an attack on American values and insulting a sport filled with athletes who are, frankly, too good be just "runners," more fit than Usain Bolt, and more powerful than professional Football players.
Lance: "Cycling doesn’t need this." Agree. We need more doping in cycling........ More, I say.
Armstrong, with his uncanny ability to flex his muscles over and over again in a certain way on a rider-powered vehicle with two wheels in tandem, is obviously a national hero. Why, then, is he being vilified as someone who simply injects drugs into his veins to enable him to win?
He is so much more than that.
The USA is known for "exceptionalism", an ability to succeed despite every obstacle placed in her path. We were founded by patriots who wanted to change the status quo. An organization(Britain) told them what to do and how they would do(pay for) it. Our forefathers achieved the unthinkable, conducting an armed revolution, liberating themselves from this tyranny. They paid a price in blood to ensure that their descendants would enjoy the freedom of quick, easy success in the financial markets without having to pay a higher effective tax rate than 13% in any fiscal year or release more than one year of their tax returns, even if running for Presidential office. We fought and died for this privilege. We are the benefactors of this important lesson from our history, one that Lance Armstrong embodies, literally: no one can tell a person-person or corporate-person how to treat their body. Especially when that body is money.
Similarly, Lance Armstrong has struck a blow on behalf of all Americans. He is a patriot, a pioneer. The USADA tells him what he can put in his body. Lance Armstrong said "NO!" to this oppression. Britain told our forefathers that they had to pay taxes. They said "no", too, insisting that the body of Americans would not be weakened by other countries' rules. The USADA told Lance Armstrong how to treat his OWN BODY, and his act of defiance should serve as an inspiration to us all. I'm practically saluting here.
Lance Armstrong is the Nelson Mandela of our time, isn't he? Paving the way for future generations despite the horrible atrocities committed against him by deleting his name from the record books and publicly smearing his name by accusing him with hundreds of pages of so-called evidence and the testimony of dozens of so-called witnesses and the production of so-called incriminating "emails" and the nuisance of alleged "facts". Nelson Mandela spent years in prison to preserve his message of peace. Similarly, Lance Armstrong has been banned from riding a two-wheeled vehicle in international competitions that involve two-wheeled vehicles because he took performance enhancing substances. Well, allegedly. And then decided not to contest the charges, triggering the lifetime ban from competitive international cycling. Anyway, the likeness between the visions of Lance Armstrong and Nelson Mandela and the similarities of their evil oppressors is incredible.
If you rearrange the letters in "Nelson Mandela", it even spells "Lanse Amdolne". For conspiracy theorists everywhere, this is damning proof of their relation and is clear evidence of an illuminati-driven plot to shame the sport of professional fast bicycle-riding. I mean, it doesn't get much clearer than that.
Another group that should applaud Lance Armstrong is women, especially pro-choice supporters. Women's right's supporters have long supported a woman's ability to control what goes in her body - Lance Armstrong is no different. Like all the pro-choice advocates before him, Lance Armstrong stands up for his own ability to control his body. And to the doubters, the Akins of the world who would say that an athlete's body has mechanisms to cope with such foreign substances, I say an athlete's body rejecting steroids occurs with as much frequency as snow during the Tour De France. In Miami.
It's time for athletes to rise up against these oppressors and throw their organic, natural, unadulterated, Epo-free tea into the harbor of hatred.
We pay athletes to perform, regardless of their abilities in any other area. How can we justify requiring them to keep their bodies free of drugs that will turn them into freakish behemoths, cause crippling side-effects, or affect their mental capacities? The reality is that it matters not, for once the holy endorsement is gained, an athlete's intellectual capacity or knowledge of a subject is ignored as they become reputable purveyors of everything from to razors to tires to electric grills. As proud Americans, we buy as these things because we understand the importance of being athletically gifted in relation to one's knowledge of what makes a quality automotive tire. We also understand that how you got there, whether by pumping your legs up and down extremely quickly, fake-slamming another person's body to the mat quite convincingly, ruining lives through your success at being a corporate marauder and sending your money to Grand Cayman, or just having a sex tape where you can almost make out your face but the glowing eyes in the near dark is kinda creepy - however you got there, it's not important in the least. To the point, whether your initial athletic gift comes au naturale or as a result of jacking up your OWN body with pharmaceuticals makes no difference. It is your right as an American, just like the right to smoke pot, a right that is almost certainly referred to in the Declaration of Independence through use of the word "happiness". That's right, Thomas Jefferson had slaves, ergo ganja. For those of us that studied history between blunts, there can be little doubt.
The USADA's attack on Lance Armstrong is therefore an attack on American Values.
Lance Armstrong chose to give up his fight against the USADA, triggering the lifetime ban. Critics claim that this is an admission of guilt. Of course this is a lie propagated by the liberal media. Like Jesus and Ghandi before him, Lance Armstrong believes that in order to fight, one must sometimes surrender the weapons at your disposal to expose the truth of the oppressor.
We really should be proud of an American who stands up for his rights and then bravely refuses to fight the penal system. We should be proud of Lance Armstrong's body, sculpted carefully through years of deception - a deception required only because of stupid, thoughtless laws designed to protect the pitiful idea of a "level playing field."
Let all athletes inject whatever they want. Lance Armstrong, you are a pioneer, a true American Patriot and Right-to-Dope advocate. Your actions are an inspiration to us all.
Now someone please shut his lawyers up. Their continued denial and cries of "witch hunt" are hurting poor Lance's cause.
He is so much more than that.
The USA is known for "exceptionalism", an ability to succeed despite every obstacle placed in her path. We were founded by patriots who wanted to change the status quo. An organization(Britain) told them what to do and how they would do(pay for) it. Our forefathers achieved the unthinkable, conducting an armed revolution, liberating themselves from this tyranny. They paid a price in blood to ensure that their descendants would enjoy the freedom of quick, easy success in the financial markets without having to pay a higher effective tax rate than 13% in any fiscal year or release more than one year of their tax returns, even if running for Presidential office. We fought and died for this privilege. We are the benefactors of this important lesson from our history, one that Lance Armstrong embodies, literally: no one can tell a person-person or corporate-person how to treat their body. Especially when that body is money.
Similarly, Lance Armstrong has struck a blow on behalf of all Americans. He is a patriot, a pioneer. The USADA tells him what he can put in his body. Lance Armstrong said "NO!" to this oppression. Britain told our forefathers that they had to pay taxes. They said "no", too, insisting that the body of Americans would not be weakened by other countries' rules. The USADA told Lance Armstrong how to treat his OWN BODY, and his act of defiance should serve as an inspiration to us all. I'm practically saluting here.
Lance Armstrong is the Nelson Mandela of our time, isn't he? Paving the way for future generations despite the horrible atrocities committed against him by deleting his name from the record books and publicly smearing his name by accusing him with hundreds of pages of so-called evidence and the testimony of dozens of so-called witnesses and the production of so-called incriminating "emails" and the nuisance of alleged "facts". Nelson Mandela spent years in prison to preserve his message of peace. Similarly, Lance Armstrong has been banned from riding a two-wheeled vehicle in international competitions that involve two-wheeled vehicles because he took performance enhancing substances. Well, allegedly. And then decided not to contest the charges, triggering the lifetime ban from competitive international cycling. Anyway, the likeness between the visions of Lance Armstrong and Nelson Mandela and the similarities of their evil oppressors is incredible.
If you rearrange the letters in "Nelson Mandela", it even spells "Lanse Amdolne". For conspiracy theorists everywhere, this is damning proof of their relation and is clear evidence of an illuminati-driven plot to shame the sport of professional fast bicycle-riding. I mean, it doesn't get much clearer than that.
Another group that should applaud Lance Armstrong is women, especially pro-choice supporters. Women's right's supporters have long supported a woman's ability to control what goes in her body - Lance Armstrong is no different. Like all the pro-choice advocates before him, Lance Armstrong stands up for his own ability to control his body. And to the doubters, the Akins of the world who would say that an athlete's body has mechanisms to cope with such foreign substances, I say an athlete's body rejecting steroids occurs with as much frequency as snow during the Tour De France. In Miami.
It's time for athletes to rise up against these oppressors and throw their organic, natural, unadulterated, Epo-free tea into the harbor of hatred.
We pay athletes to perform, regardless of their abilities in any other area. How can we justify requiring them to keep their bodies free of drugs that will turn them into freakish behemoths, cause crippling side-effects, or affect their mental capacities? The reality is that it matters not, for once the holy endorsement is gained, an athlete's intellectual capacity or knowledge of a subject is ignored as they become reputable purveyors of everything from to razors to tires to electric grills. As proud Americans, we buy as these things because we understand the importance of being athletically gifted in relation to one's knowledge of what makes a quality automotive tire. We also understand that how you got there, whether by pumping your legs up and down extremely quickly, fake-slamming another person's body to the mat quite convincingly, ruining lives through your success at being a corporate marauder and sending your money to Grand Cayman, or just having a sex tape where you can almost make out your face but the glowing eyes in the near dark is kinda creepy - however you got there, it's not important in the least. To the point, whether your initial athletic gift comes au naturale or as a result of jacking up your OWN body with pharmaceuticals makes no difference. It is your right as an American, just like the right to smoke pot, a right that is almost certainly referred to in the Declaration of Independence through use of the word "happiness". That's right, Thomas Jefferson had slaves, ergo ganja. For those of us that studied history between blunts, there can be little doubt.
The USADA's attack on Lance Armstrong is therefore an attack on American Values.
Lance Armstrong chose to give up his fight against the USADA, triggering the lifetime ban. Critics claim that this is an admission of guilt. Of course this is a lie propagated by the liberal media. Like Jesus and Ghandi before him, Lance Armstrong believes that in order to fight, one must sometimes surrender the weapons at your disposal to expose the truth of the oppressor.
We really should be proud of an American who stands up for his rights and then bravely refuses to fight the penal system. We should be proud of Lance Armstrong's body, sculpted carefully through years of deception - a deception required only because of stupid, thoughtless laws designed to protect the pitiful idea of a "level playing field."
Let all athletes inject whatever they want. Lance Armstrong, you are a pioneer, a true American Patriot and Right-to-Dope advocate. Your actions are an inspiration to us all.
Now someone please shut his lawyers up. Their continued denial and cries of "witch hunt" are hurting poor Lance's cause.
Calling it a witch hunt implies there are no witches.
RSS Feed
