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Olympic sports the USA sucks balls at, part 1

8/11/2012

 
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This is allegedly our US ball kicking team. From a tournament in Ireland in which they may possibly have been defeated before their plane landed.
Kicking a ball is clearly something the USA is poor at. Our Olympic kicking-the-ball team didn't even qualify, owing to their being played to a draw by a small, hitherto undiscovered Latin American country earlier this year. Either that, or the American Idol finale conflicted with an important qualifying match, in which case the failure is completely understandable.

Perhaps I am not being entirely fair about our should-be Olympic Kick-the-ball team. The USA is not known for it's kicking. If the sport were related to gumption, pulling one's self up by one's bootstraps, or deceptive business practices, we would qualify easily and be a favorite to medal. Kicking, not so much. 

Also there is a bit of name confusion surrounding the kick-the-ball sport, which has at least two other names. When the lads from the USA patriotically show up in shoulderpads, who can blame them?
This confusion has been solved handily by the women, however. Not only do they NOT show up in shoulderpads, they even win. This is a clear reason women should be considered smarter than men. Except, of course, if women are near each other and start a Twitter war over some comments regarding kick-the-ball announcing. Then they are pretty stupid.

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