Usain Bolt is my hero. An extraordinary athlete, the fastest man alive. If a pack of rabid Republicans were chasing him, they would definitely not catch him. Okay, bad example. Republicans would DEFINITELY not catch him. Not that Democrats would. Political views really have nothing to do with it, though I do believe Democrats would be faster, owing to the fear and victim mentality. Regardless, Usain Bolt would win, clearly, because he is SO FAST.
Also, he is a complete jackwagon. But other than the terrible arrogance and the insistence that he doesn't need to do his best, hardly trying as he sets world records, he is my hero, on account of him being able to move his feet back and forth faster than ANYONE IN HISTORY, which is really an incredible accomplishment, considering that there have been a lot of people in history moving their feet - or TRYING TO, ha ha - in almost exactly this way.
So, in summation, Usain Bolt is a complete failure as a person, and also an incredible hero for the foot thing, which is clearly more important since he's so amazingly good at it.
Also, he is a complete jackwagon. But other than the terrible arrogance and the insistence that he doesn't need to do his best, hardly trying as he sets world records, he is my hero, on account of him being able to move his feet back and forth faster than ANYONE IN HISTORY, which is really an incredible accomplishment, considering that there have been a lot of people in history moving their feet - or TRYING TO, ha ha - in almost exactly this way.
So, in summation, Usain Bolt is a complete failure as a person, and also an incredible hero for the foot thing, which is clearly more important since he's so amazingly good at it.
Shhh, don't tell anyone. I am running in front of billions of people, but shhhh. I am not really trying, by the way.
Update: here's an English farmer who mowed a picture of Usain Bolt into his field. Because nothing says "you are an amazing runner" like customized crop circles.
RSS Feed